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May 18, 2004
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The rain,
gently laying,
atop the petal,
rubbing against,
the silk of night.

Falling down,
slow as moon fade,
the leaves feel,
the cool breath,
of life.

The red shades,
open their eyes,
and through the dirt,
you can feel,
a heartbeat of rose.

                                 (c) G.M.M.
:iconfaeryzeph912:
i wrote this just now.kinda like it.
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:iconmsstriker:
i think the the 2 stanza i like most^^
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:icontigress86:
this is beautiful. it has nice imagery and a smooth ending....i liked it...
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:iconneurotype:
^neurotype Jul 9, 2004  Hobbyist General Artist
The imagery is amazing for the short words...'a heartbeat of rose' is a beautiful conclusion to it. My only concern: remove the commas because the line break automatically implies a pause.
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:iconfaeryzeph912:
well i always pause at the end of a line while reading anyway. my poems are meant to be like that. i know its annoying lol.
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:iconneurotype:
^neurotype Jul 10, 2004  Hobbyist General Artist
okay, it's just weird for me since i'm not used to it. :)
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:iconthe-vicious-poet:
beautiful work!!! love it!! I can just image this all in my head...looks beautiful
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:iconfaeryzeph912:
thank you so much!
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:iconjesteranimefan:
A nice calm feeling. Great Poem!
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